Woohoo!

I found my last book in the Legderman Lounge in Dalaran this evening. The Transmutation one.
Blizzard is a very cruel industry, laying out achievments like these. ^_^
Who else is sick enough to put an item that lasts a mere three minutes out for people to find, with a spawn timer that ranges from 3-4 hours in between. What's worse is, that fake books can spawn in the location of the actual books you need.
I now have a built in panicky elation, the same kind when you find gems or rings in Diablo when you hear the sound they make when they're dropped. I enter the city, and I just HAVE to scour everywhere, looking, hunting, hoping... hoping that maybe ONE of these damned books have spawned.
But now, 'eh heh heh... now it's OVER! I DID it! I win Blizzard! Ha ha! Ha ha ha!

World of Warcraft, I hate you. n_n'''

Yay! Can't wait to be honest.

I'm leaving home tonight for a mini-road trip, so I made sure to put in my daily Newgrounds vote already.
The plan is to leave Alberta and head east into Saskatchewan.
There's a Canadian comedy show called 'Corner Gas', and it's staged at 'Dog River', a typical rural town in the middle of no-where. After visiting the area (now a micro-tourist spot) and buying at least thirty Corner Gas baseball caps for the guys at work, we'll be turning around, heading this time into southern Alberta.
My grandparents left the Fort this year, and moved into Pinscher Creek, which is in the foothills of the Rockies. I haven't been there yet, so it should be fun.

I wish my good comp wasn't down, so I could upload the vacation footage of my summer trip to B.C. onto my YouTube account. This Pentium 3 I'm using blows completely, and won't accept a lot of Flash programs, or digital media. This computers been through 3 other users already, and is literally stalling every 15 minutes. I certainly can't even upload from my digital camcorder onto this thing, even if I did have the right cord slot for it to plug into.

So, at 27, what is it that I want for my birthday?
How about love? Can I perhaps find a replacement for the one girl that I'm truly in love with, the one I've been in love with for well over three years now?
I've been wishing all this time for her to see me the same way without feeling awkward, and although at times she does, she's so afraid of judgement, and that society will see it as 'wrong' or 'not allowed' that she'll never truly be comfortable with it.
For even longer I've wished for the loss of all my emotion. Would make sooo many things a lot easier on me. Sadly I'll never be able to kill it off. I'm a naturally 'in-tune' guy.

Wish I had a few hundred to buy a new tower. Still paying off my car. ^_^
Or merhaps a playable Human Druid in World of Warcraft? If so I'd try and start playing it again.

Will be back in four days! Had to book two days off from work, but it'll be worth it...

Oh yeah, I also uploaded my picture on my DeviantArt page. Hope ya like it.

Ethics. It's a funny concept really. Everyone has their own version of them. A pattern of beliefs and trained ideas on what is right or wrong. Usually, the majority of our ethics follows closely with the Law, mirroring the general outlooks and guidelines provided for a model 'moral' citizen. I view people who cling to 'the only RIGHT ethics' as ones who have no clear moral code of their own. These sad people have either been completely trained to think the way society wants them to think, or they live a life that exactly mirrors that of the original dead guy that wrote societies laws, and are free from making 'icky' life choices, except when events in their life are not presented as a clean-cut 'black and white' situation.
Most people follow the majority of societies ethics, and rarely stray, except in dire situations. A good chunk of people, however, choose to disobey societies ethics completely. Why they do so, well, there are countless reasons why. Some do it just for the sake and pleasure of being disobedient. More do so because societies ethics on certain things don't account for topics in the 'gray area' of the Law, and as such, remain even today as questionable and unanswerable, reasons being because people are scared to actually decide what is right or wrong, and also best for society.
Personal ethics are more important to the individual than societies ethics. However, both are hard to compromise. You can follow your own beliefs and anger society, or follow societies Law and break your own beliefs. Most people hate this dilemna, and follow their own ethics as close to the Law as possible.
Not me, I'm afraid.
One of my ethics and core beliefs is that there is no glory to Mankind. Mankind has, for the most apart, caused more harm and hurt than good. Through stupidity and blind reasoning, Man has followed a 'trial and error' method on how best to run society. Nobody has to work hard at questioning beliefs or ethics when they have nice and tidy 'black and white' rulebook. The sad thing though is, this rulebook can no longer keep up with the changing times. A woman stealing cheese from the supermarket recieved more jail time than a man who murdered another man (true story). Parents may no longer train their children to work with society and fear their consequences for poorly handled actions (I.E. discipline). Our roads and streets use rules that follow a courtesy system in a world where man has lost respect for each other. But nobody wants to change the rules, or find ways to replace them. Instead of using common sense or judgement to handle events not found in our rulebooks, people desperately scramble to find ways of identifying the problem with something that can be dealt with neat and simple.
Very soon, our world will simply collapse. The Laws will be unable to guide our people in a changing world, and allow expanding trends and ways of life to improve and grow.
What society needs to do is to teach people to open up their minds, and think about their own ethics. Do some of the old ways of thinking still apply in our modern world? Think of an example like murder. People keep doing it, even though it's wrong. So, ask yourself: is murder wrong? Is the killing of another sentient being a criminal act? Most people blatantly cling to our modern mindset and Laws, and scream defiantly that yes, killing is bad. Why do people do it then? Surely there is a need, and while it is being fulfilled, could have been handled better? I think that wanton murder is unnecessary and wasteful. However, sometimes people become an obstacle, and one should have a way to resolve issues that diplomacy cannot resolve. Why can't we bring back dueling, or life-and-death competitions/challenges to decide who is right or wrong in a confrontation? If both parties or more are unhappy, and no mutual agreement can be reached, why not allow them to 'duke it out' and have a winner emerge? Maybe if a man kills another, they can be made to pay taxes or a fine to the victims family, to discourage such wasteful behaviour. A governmental fine for wasting a valuable life would be a strong dissuadent to killing another. The option to do so would still be there, and after all, man should have the 'choice' to do so, without being held down by other men. Having freedoms, but strong consequences for having those freedoms, could be in place. Immediately saying that killing is wrong without considering why this option is needed can be detrimental. If killing is killing, and killing is wrong, what happens to those times when you need to kill to survive? Perhaps your wife or child is being beaten/raped/killed in front of your eyes, or your own life is in immediate danger. What then? Stand idle(calling the cops is idle) as the misdeed is committed, or break the Law and kill the aggressor yourself to save another? Either outcome is 'wrong', but which answer fits best with the ethics at hand? Most importantly, which ethics do you value most: societies Law or your own personal code? Saying that 'killing is wrong but necessary at the time so it's okay' is a form of contradiction. You needed to kill, had the power at your hands, and followed through with the actions. Even knowing it's wrong, you still chose the response to go against your own ethics, meaning that deep down inside, you accept and view killing as necessary and a better action than doing nothing at all. What now? You have just questioned your own ethics, in the gray zone. It's wrong in your mind, but still a better choice than the other options?... Instead of growing confused or frightened by the matter, people should learn how to identify their own personal ethic LIMITS, and figure out what really is important after all to them. Is stealing wrong, is murder wrong, is being in love with more than one person at a time wrong, is choosing to go against the grain of society wrong? You should be asking yourself when it's okay to go against societies ethics and use your own. You should view and compare your own ethics against societies blind Law and see how far apart the differences are. Most people will be frightened and amazed at how many differences and exceptions to the Law they are actually willing to make. Speeding down an empty highway at night, a little past the speed limit, with no one around. Downloading free music without crediting the hardworking artists behind it. Choosing to litter. Even though it may be wrong, you choose to compromise the situation and do it anyway. How good are your ethics?
My own ethics are very important to me, and although I tend not to upset society, I will often choose to break the 'black and white' boundaries of the Law to do, what in my mind as I see it, what is RIGHT. Maybe not always what I want to do, but always what is best for the situation and factors involved. I make my choices very seriously, and am a firm believer of common sense. I know some actions have dire consequences, but overall, I will always do what is best and as right as possible.
Next post will contain samples of some of my ethical choices and beliefs.

I've been a long-time blogger. I've gone through quite a few sites, and sadly, deleted or lost access to a few of my old ones. One site being the now dead ChildrinRSkary forums, and the other being my old Vox blog. Currently I maintain the story of my life at Blogger.

http://autumnbear.blogspot.com/ is my blog link address.

A few online people know my most intimate details. A few celebrities on a few discreet forums know me as an excellent roleplayer and storyteller. Throughout the web I'm known simply as 'Autumnbear'.

I hope that any who take the time to read about my life understands that I'm not a 'typical' guy, and that, yes, nice guys aren't always perfect. I like to discuss controversial issues, and I even shock people by supporting or at least accepting issues that many are afraid even to think about.
Feel free to Private Message me if you're curious. Later fellow Newgrounds fans.

I'm a HUGE fan of a few Newgrounds series. Xombie, Childrin R Skary, Blockhead... But of all those series, only one really hit a nerve, something deep and personal inside, that made me happy and sad in profound ways.
See, there's a series called 'There She Is', featuring the 'forbidden' love between a Bunny-Girl and a Cat-Boy. SamBakZa is the name of the artists responsible for this flash series, and I applaud them for bringing it up. It's a 'taboo' subject I've touched upon numerous times in forums and chatrooms.
All these years, I've been sad, and struggling, in silence. I shouldn't, and, in truth, I feel that no-one should, feel the way I do/did.
I'm in love. Shouldn't I be happy?
Well, according to society, no. No, I shouldn't. I'm not allowed to be happy. My love can't be true or real I'm told, and if it is, well, I must be some sort of monster.
What would you do if you met the woman of your dreams and fell in love? She could love you back, and make you feel warm and happy. You two could be the happiest people on earth. Well, what if her parent, and your parent, got married? What then? Does your love just magically disappear and go away? How unfair it is, for anyone, who has fallen in my situation.
I just happen to be in love with my step-sister. Not my fault our parents beat us to it. Now I have the pleasant task of waking up every day, looking for a replacement for the one I truly love, knowing I will never find one.
I'm not promoting incest or inbreeding. I'm not corrupting the meaning of love as a word. I'm only saying that, hey, I'm still in love with someone that now I can never have. I like other people, but I only truly love HER.
If I had my way, I would openly challenge and defy 'society' and love her anyway, but I won't. Not because I'm scared to recieve abuse from the entire world, no. I'm scared that SHE would feel ashamed or upset by it. I'm scared that my passion would undo our lives and make the world so upset that simple living would be a constant struggle for the both of us.
I will never stop loving her, no matter what they say.
This series is just one tiny start for the world to at least consider the fact that, hey, there are people in love who are unhappy with insane rules made up by long-dead rule-makers. They just don't apply any more.
Anyways, back to fixing my crap-tastic computer. Lost my sound completely. Later. O_x

I wanted to apologize to you Katy. Rest assured, that I am not a stalker. When I was peeking around on your old Vox blogs I was in no shape or form at all trying to 'stalk' you. I was only trying to learn about an artist I admire.

I was e-mailed with a tip from one of your Skary users that some people had in the past teased you about some stalkers that you did have in the past. I had never really considered the thought that anybody would want to stalk you in the first place. I surely didn't want to appear to be stalking anyone, as it isn't my intention to do so in the first place.

I was nosing around in the first place out of sheer curiosity, and the fact that your unique point of view and interests were so similar to my own. I felt compelled to learn more about the artist behind the art, and lo-and-behold, found your blog. It was rather easy to find your blogs. They were public, and according to the e-mailed tips I have recieved, that other users had also visited your old Vox blogs to simply say hi or just take a look as well. I'm wondering if maybe my invasion of your old blogging site alone isn't the reason you're upset after all.

I made a post in the Skary forums about 'discovering' you 'secret' blog that others already apparently knew about. I was so happy to finally catch a glimpse at the real artist behind the art that I just couldn't help but post it. I was a regular daily poster on your forums. Indeed, I am a blog-a-holic, and wanted to blog about my spurt of happiness.

One day later, I had a funny feeling. That maybe I should edit or remove my post. What if it might upset people, including you, that I was flaunting knowledge of your blog site to others? I went to the forums to change it, but found the post was already REMOVED. Uh-oh...

After that, I checked up on your Vox blog, and noticed you were slowly deleting t, bit by bit, and hiding it from the public. I thought that I was the cause for this, and it upset me greatly. Maybe I am the reason. Besides that, your blog was very important to you. I could easily see that. To see you destroy it, maybe because of me, put me in an immediate state of misery.

I immediately asked T1NK to remove me from your forums. I figured that if I upset you so much, that I would punish myself by restricting myself from one of the things I valued; being in the artists community site. So I asked to be banned, and regret it. That night, my Mister Creazil orders were cancelled, further confirming my suspicions that I greatly upset you. I couldn't check to see how mad, as you no longer had a blog to read. I was always hoping to read your point of view on the situation, so I could be certain as to what exactly what I did that made you hide even further from the public. I never did find anything, it's still a mystery to me. Shortly after, I was also denied access from listening to your wonderful Sixcasts, which I still cannot access. I greatly miss it, and wish things were different.

Did my nosing around actually upset you that much? Do you believe that I am a stalker Katy?

I am a weary young man, and my heart is heavy with burdens that are hard to explain. I've been abused by the world, simply because I am respectful, polite, courteous, artistic, and socially awkward. I was taught that fighting is wrong, that it's wise to respect ones' elders, and that you should treat others with as much kindness as possible. In red-neck Alberta, you get beat up over being something like me. People take advantage of timid, soft-souled people like me, I get mocked, laughed at, and treated with disdain by strangers that I try so hard to be polite to. People claim that I am weak, simply because I won't stand up for myself out of humilty, and that I should 'grow some balls'.

I don't want to be like those people. I want to be who I am. I am a social outcast who loves imagination, fairy tales, magic, mystery, horror, and cartoons. I like to be reclusive, and discover things on my own. I have a hungry curiosity, and I enjoy trying to fill it by searching for answers in places that many people don't even care to look.

Your art is one of only a few dozen things in my world that interests me. It's whimsical, dark, unique... Of course I love it. Your art made me smile, a rare thing. It also made me happy, knowing that I could communicate with the artist and community, and sharing my love for the things I enjoy with other people.

If I didn't have my curiosity, I never would have found your art. It brought a little joy through a time of hardship to me, and I will always appreciate that fact. It made me smile when my world was gray, and inspired me to practice my art work once again after years of suppression.

Katy, you cannot know how truly upset and terribly sorry I am, for causing any hardship to you or your fans. The fact that this issue still exists is a major issue with me. I am not a 'creepy stalker', just a nosy little bastard that couldn't control his happiness and posted his feelings without considering the consequences. I am so sorry, and still confused, over this whole incident. I wish I could gain your forgiveness, and find a way to redeem myself to everyone. If you ever decide to believe me, and consider my words, please... Please let me know what you think. I can't go throughout life, knowing that somebody out there has the completely wrong idea about me and who I am. It's hard thinking that someone hates you, just because you're nosy. If true, well... I hope it's not true.

Life goes on, and I've actually found more things I enjoy. Other artists, and others activities. Still, I want to patch things up.

I'm still a supportive fan. I'm rooting for ya from the sanctuary of my tiny room. I'm hoping for the day that I'm allowed to come back to the forums, and that you finally understand that I need you to recieve my apology. I miss the forum and the other Skary Skouts. I miss being able to watch your flashes from your exclusive fan site, where only real fans are allowed to go and visit. I miss being able to post comments, and having your witty remarks show up the next day. I had a lot of fun on your sites. I really, really screwed up, somehow...

Find it in your heart Katy. I'm a Canadian, and although I come from a red-neck area, we have our ethics and a little bit of pride left. I'm not lying, and when I say that I'm sorry, I really truly mean it. Please, forgive me, accept my apology... Please.